


dying on a train

by montivagant



Series: we should run away, oh someday [9]
Category: Batman (Comics), Iron Man (Comics), Under the Red Hood
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, this one is depressing sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 08:03:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montivagant/pseuds/montivagant
Summary: Fathers with no communication skills get dumped on by their gay sons.





	1. the one to ruin the night

He's sitting on the roof when he notices the shadow.

It's tall and it's dark and it has two pointy bits at the top.

Tony sighs to himself, though he's sure the shadow heard it.

"He's not here."

"I'm not--"

"And won't be, for a while." 

Tony continues to ignore the shadow, making some more notes in the notebook in front of him. It's a bit hard to see in the night, but he needed to get out of the apartment. And it's nice out, spring appearing at midnight.

The silence only lasts fifteen minutes.

"Why are you here?"

Tony hopes Batman's pissed he had to break the quiet.

"Can't imagine why that's any of your business." He's using his trusty airy, noncaring press voice. It's the one Tony uses for the easy interviews.

"All of Gotham is my business."

"Broken record much?"

Tony _wishes_ he could hear teeth grinding right now.

"This building is owned by an extremely dangerous criminal. This area is unsafe."

"Well, I did burn my tongue on hot tea about a week ago. You might be making a good point!"

The pause now is tense, even as Tony radiates some strong uncaring.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull, but choosing these _associates_ is a mistake."

Tony finally turns to him, Batman, exaggerated shock decorating his face like tinsel, "oh! You think this has _literally_ anything to do with you!"

"You're inside Gotham, it doesn't matter what I think. I know it's my business."

Tony laughs, and it's even genuine. That is one of the first truly funny things he's heard in a while. Then he sighs, and decides getting into an argument with Batman on the roof of Jason's apartment isn't a great idea.

"It's not your business 'cause I don't have any business. Didn't you hear? And I'm taking a break from, y'know, the superhero stuff."

"Yes. I did. I thought--" he cuts himself off there, abruptly.

"Ooooh, I see. Nope. There was no Gotham involvement in that whole debacle. Nothing to worry your pretty little head about. I'm out of the game. I'm retired. That's all you need to know."

"Tony," Batman begins, roughly, "you're 28."

"Yes, well, obviously not all of us are in such good shape as you eighty year olds. There's no need to be _rude_ about it."

Batman's mouth snaps shut. Tony's left wishing again for the teeth grinding feed.

Another long minute passes and Tony's getting a little tired of this waiting game. At this rate it'll be light before Batman leaves, and Jason's gonna avoid the area when he spots the man.

"Don't you have criminals to go intimidate? Far as I'm aware I've done nothing illegal."

There's at least ten unregistered guns in the apartment, but it's not like Tony's name is anywhere near the lease. It's not like he has any money to help pay rent.

The lenses in the cowl mask anything obvious, but Tony can feel the stare on him. It's weighted down by something he won't just come out and say.

This was always one of the traits that infuriated him, not that there were a lack of others.

"If you.. require assistance. In reobtaining your company, I have resources."

Tony shrugs.

"I'm good where I am."

 

It's at least half an hour later when Tony's sure he left. He isn't as well versed in dark shadows as some other people, but he's sure enough to pack up his notes to return to their couch and wait.

Or try and wait, because that encounter took a lot of Tony's patience. And he's never had a lot.

But that was--g-d. Sometimes he really understands Jason's refusal to speak to the man. It doesn't help that-- no. They're not going down that train of thought.

It's a specific kind of stupid, and he's done _so well_ at avoiding it while being here so far. And it's been at least two months! It'll stay that way.

It's just--

Sometimes. _Sometimes._

It's the darkness and the brooding and the unwillingness to communicate at all, he knows that.

But sometimes, Batman talks and all he can hear is Howard. And it's so much harder to hide from that as himself, with no suit of armor to protect him or hide him.


	2. right before your eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the crying happens

Jason leans over the couch, hand on Tony's shoulder to shake him.

Tony's lying on the couch strangely, muttering too fast and mumbled to understand in his sleep. And Jason can't remember the last time Tony slept through Jason entering the window.

"Tony?" Soft at first, but as Jason repeats it he won't deny he's feeling some alarm.

"Tony, dude, c'mon, I can't tell what's up with you, what am I supposed to do? Tony. _Tony._ " He reaches blindly for something, anything, "Stark?!"

And finally, _finally_ , he gets a reaction.

"Sorry! I'm--" Tony's eyes fly open in concert with a full body flinch, eyes wide--he's _scared_ , Jason realizes. Tony's eyes register what they're looking at, and his expression changes to one of horror in an instant.

And suddenly Tony's in motion, slipping off the couch to barely hold himself back from running to their room. "Just give me a minute. Sorry. Just a minute."

Jason stands rooted in space, staring after the other man.

He's seen all sorts of nightmares, Tony has a maybe a wider range than even him, but he's never seen that before. It's.. it's scary. Scary that--well. He swallows. There's too much there to examine right now.

He knocks on the door.

"Tony? Are you okay?"

Obviously not, but.

"Tony? Tony if you don't respond I'm coming in."

A lack of noise continues to come from the door.

Jason sighs and opens the door, surprised when it's not locked and--and Tony is curled into a ball on their bed. He's _shaking_.

"C'mon, before I get really scared, what's up?" 

He's muttering again, but this time some of the words are loud enough to hear--"so fuckin'. Self righteous. Self _important_. Fuckin' can't turn it off for a second."

Jason frowns. "I'm gonna touch your back, okay?" And reaches out, resting a hand on Tony's back. He's going for comforting, and has no idea how well it's going until Tony starts to uncurl.

It takes longer, but somehow feels like it's all of a sudden that Tony's lying before him on his back, eyes wet, shoulders bunched in still. His face is what breaks Jason, he's not sure what the emotions are meant to be, but he knows his own break over seeing it. He's reaching forward to hug Tony before he decides to.

And he's _really_ lucky when he doesn't get punched for it.

Instead, Tony almost folds into the hug, sobs forcing themselves out into Jason's shoulder.

They stay there for a while, long enough that Jason's back starts to twinge from holding this half standing position for so long. He grimaces, gently.

"Hey, I'm gonna move us a bit, okay?" 

He waits, but there's no outward acknowledgement from Tony.

"'S fine if you can't talk right now, but can you try to nod? Just wanna make sure you're here with me, okay?"

There's a muffled movement against his shoulder, finally. Jason nods, then picks Tony up.

They end with Jason all the way on the bed, half lying next to Tony, arms still around him.

"'S okay if you're not okay." Soft. "I promise. I just wanna know that something's up, okay? You don't need to tell me anything other than that. Ever, if you want."

Tony's tears seem to be drying up.

"I don't think I remember the last time I cried. Must've been during a blackout."

Jason just squeezes him, hopefully non-judgingly.

Tony just breathes for a long minute.

"He reminds me of.. of my father. I didn't. I don't--remember the last time I had to talk to him without the suit."

Another long minute.

"It's hard to exist without that mask."

Jason breathes out. He can guess who he is. Pretty easily. There's only one he in Jason's life right now. 

"Do you.. want to.." he trails off, not sure what he was going to ask.

"Have it back? No. I can't. It was.. it was just as addictive. I can see that now. It's not safe for me."

"Okay."

"He just--" a sound, frustrated. "He's so fucking--" he almost growls, " _infuriating_."

Jason sighs. "Yeah."

"..I hate thinking about my father."

Jason stills, Tony has... _never_ talked about his father. Never even brought him up. "Oh?"

"He's--I used to be able to drown him out. In my head. With the--with being Iron Man. But now I, sometimes he just. Pops up. And I keep hearing him, over and over."

"What does he say?" Jason is quiet.

Tony snorts. "You don't wanna hear that. I'm.. it's not good." He pauses, takes a breath. "Will you.. can you just hold me?"

Jason lays down the rest of the way, "yes," and holds him tight. For as long as Tony needs, he'll be right there.

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO.... i'm back and tony's here to talk to batman and then cry. you're welcome i guess. fic & chapter titles are from kill your heroes by awolnation this time... a break from standard


End file.
